Begin By Letting Go
Start a relationship by letting go
Prepare for a move by letting go
Start a new job by letting go
Kick off a new skill by letting go
Letting go can be many things. It can be releasing expectations. It can be maintaining an open mind. It can be letting go of control.
Have you ever noticed that when life is in a raging spin cycle, that you try to control it in areas where you have the most control? Here’s my go to: I clean house.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never been a hoarder. I loathe spacial “noise”. From a practical point of view, and as a single mom of three teens, there is a thresh hold that I can handle, and my kids can pretty much sense what it is: a half full sink, a dresser that’s half full of “stuff”, a floor that’s only half visible. My threshold is about half.
But something strange occurred few weeks ago, just after the solar eclipse. I was not in overwhelm, life was not tail spinning out of control, there was no tornado of chaos swirling around, yet I woke up with a visceral need to purge everything. Like a snippers target, my mind went to my closet: shoes, jewelry, clothes….what are those piles stashed above? Before I even aimed my focus, my desire shifted to kitchen, cabinets teeming with old knick knacks from prior moves, framed photos stashed away with no surface for display.
Whoa Jenn, easy girl.
It was an undeniable urge coursing through every cell in my body. I started right away. Beginning was easy. “If I don’t love it, it’s getting tossed!” I told myself as piece after piece would take a short-lived , wispy flight from my hand to a growing, bulging pile on the tan carpet.
I tore through that first 90% faster than a teenager tears through a pizza after beach volleyball. Fast! Easy! Liberating! As I forged on, shifting handfuls of empty hangers to my secondary closet, I froze hard. What about the cute asymmetrical blue dress that I wore on Mothers Day. It has been a staple in my life, whether I’m dressing up or down. It’s like comfort food to me. It’s the dress I wear when I feel to bloated to put on jeans, or when I just want to feel comfortable and at ease when I know I’ll be gone all day cheering for my daughters volleyball team, and then hitting Costco and getting gas.
I still admire the dress. We’ve gone the distance together in good, bad, exciting and unremarkable. Heck, I’ve probably slept in it. But it’s worn. The cotton fabric is piling and wearing to a dull, thin, shapeless form in spots.
The pause is real.
I could feel the fear in me, not at the thought of letting go of something I still enjoy, or because of the sentimental value, but because of the realization I did NOT anticipate…
My closet was becoming frightening EMPTY.
I found myself hesitating beyond that initial pause… Just staring and conversing with myself, “Should I? Shouldn’t I?”. I was frozen, until the awareness of why I was stalling seized my mind. FEAR.
Fear that I would have no clothes left.
Fear that I would have an event or a date and have nothing of value to wear.
Fear of having nothing appropriate for the climate (San Diego has my back, but that A/C always gets me!)
Fear of how I might not be comfortable, might not be prepared, might not feel like it, might be bored with repeating fewer choices more often…
Fear, fear fear of what “might” not be…
But is NOT real! It’s out THERE….UN-manifest
That was when the dam burst in my own mind.
LET IT GO.
IF YOU DON’T LOVE IT, LET IT GO
IF IT DOESN’T LIGHT YOU UP INSIDE, LET IT GO
NO COMPARISONS
NO JUDGEMENTS
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …LET IT GO
It is the most free and liberated I’ve felt. The sight of my bare bones closet made me laugh.
6 shirts left, really?
Isn’t that FUNNY?!?!? Before I cleaned my closet, I FELT like I only had 6 shirts I liked. [Head exploding] Now they are there front and center. No white noise, distractions, or “stuff” to fill the space.
I like to think that my closet has taken on a very “modern” look with its bare, minimalist appeal – lol. And I love it.
I worried [fear again, sneaking in] at first that I would have this knee jerk reaction to fill it back up. While I was coincidentally at our favorite consignment store with my daughter the weekend I started this project, needing a snappy number for a birthday party, I found myself with a new found judiciousness even combing over $14.99 items.
DO I LOVE IT?
[Without using money as a measure…] DO I LOOOVE IT?
YES!
The energy that flows to me and through me as a result of creating an environment surrounded visually by things I love is shocking. I DARE you to try it.
Notice when the fear of letting go comes up. Look at it, as if it’s outside of you, talk to it, reassure it, and FEEL the fear slipping away into the fog like an apparition.
Wishing you all things, people, places, and a life you LOVE.